Untitled. :[

I honestly don’t know how to say something.  I wish it was simple to say.    

The thing that comes to mind, is when beau and I were in the car and I was told “I will always be with you and only you;  I wont be with anyone behind your back”.   I agreed,  that statement really comforted me. (there was more said I will go into that later on).    I learned that I was not the only one in the relationship.   He told me, so I suppose it’s good I found out from him.   Here is the situation.   He wants an “open” relationship.  That means your in a relationship and you can have sexual relations with others. 

I consider sexual activity an act of “love”.   It was how I was raised.  I know that I do trash “southern ways” but that is something I hold close.   I refuse to have any sexual relations outside of a relationship.   

Well, I found out yesterday and something happened with another dude.  I was in the car with my step mom and dad.   I kept my composure.   I had to lay down and sleep it off.   

I am a forgiving person.  I forgive him for everything.  I hold no grudge,  the issue is that he wants to continue doing it with other men.   He says he is not ready to “settle down”.   I have enough stress as it is.  I cannot live my like knowing the love of my life is having sexual relations with someone else.   I tried my best to understand and conform to it.   It was not happening.  

Being faithful is the #1 thing I want in a relationship.   When I think about it,  I think: did I do something wrong or is it my fault.   I just know I would never go off with someone else when in a relationship.   I was 100% faithful in this relationship.  In the car I promised that will always be his friend after we broke up.  I can’t guarantee it will be the same but, I will still be his friend.    

This came to mind:  

Holy Moses I have been removed

I have seen the spectre, he has been here too

Distant cousin from down the line

Brand of people who ain't my kind

Holy Moses I have been removed

Holy Moses I have been deceived

Now the wind has changed direction and I'll have to leave

Won't you please excuse my frankness but it's not my cup of tea

Holy Moses I have been deceived

I'm going back to the border

Where my affairs, my affairs ain't abused

I can't take any more bad water

I've been poisoned from my head down to my shoes

Holy Moses I have been deceived

Holy Moses let us live in peace 

Love, Peace and Prayers

Justin