PRESS RELEASE: Questions Answers... Prayers Needed.

Press Release:

Sunday, December 27, 2009

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I have had some very serious family issues comes up. 

I do not wish to speak (to the general public) about this because it’s not about me.  

Someone is my household is currently in the hospital, I take my laptop up there and got a Verizon MiFi.   

I am extremely stressed and know in the future I will be screaming in distress.   

Christmas was not the same the same this year. 

I just want to let everyone know, everything is alright now. 

I wish I knew how this is going to impact my future.   

If you need to reach me, Text Message, Blackberry Messenger is the fastest option.  Facebook Message is also pushed directly to my phone.  If I do not respond fast do not think I am ignoring you.  A temporary email address for direct questions  is:  JustinsFamily@vzw.blackberry.net    

Keep my family in your prayers.   

You think you know me.?

Somethings have came up.   I have started so many blogs but just pushed the red button and “Don’t Save”.   

I have been rather sick recently,  I think I am feeling better;  I warrant that because I was overwhelmed with anxiety.  I hope to get the cause of that particular anxiety attack fixed. 

I know one thing, I am terrified of change.  At this point right now, I know change is inevitable.  I suppose I can live 2009 the same. In 2010 there are some major life choices I am going to have to make.  If things are shitty,  I would rather them remain than risk it ruining something.   I have never had to step out make a bold change.  My life has remained consistent throughout 2009.   I have been truly blessed.  

In 2010 I will turn 20!  Just thinking about it,  I honestly think “How did I make it this far”?   Back through the years I was faced with healthcare issues where my life was on the line.  There is a reason I am here to breath this moment.  I know what I have to do with my life. 

I take this stance.  I know god will not put nothing in front of me that that I cannot handle.   So 2010...  Bring it on..

With Love, Peace and Prayers

I got skills with the scanner :]  haha

Can I have just one NORMAL day.

Sometimes I just think it is impossible for me to live a “normal” day of life.   I had a “ahhh” moment in the Wal-Mart today.   I was already stressed out because, I have lot on me at the moment.   Me being in love is starting to interfere with my family.  I am not going to let that happen though.  Someone in my family is having serious healthcare issues that has got me worried.   I was at Wal-Mart calling my step mom asking her what she wanted.  This ten year old kid was screaming!  I mean loud as hell.   I am having chronic pain that medicine will not help (its my neck). I was already pissed I had to go to the Wal-Mart for my step mom.  It F’ed up when when I go out I have to get stuff but when I am out with them we can stop at a place on the way.   In the meantime this kid is screaming, he was about 10 or so yelling at his mom wanting some toy. The mom was just like saying “no” to the kid.  The next high pitched scream I yelled “Get a stun to your kid so he will shut up”.  I was ready to get into a verbal argument because I was pissed.   

Now, My Fashion Disaster Album on Facebook is not meant to make fun of anyone.  It’s just to draw attention not to go out in public looking like shit.  

I really love my “Beau”.  I am really sad that I haven’t seen him in awhile.   I have been so busy with the holidays.  The thing is I want to spend alone time with him.   Now, I know that sounds sexual but I just want time with us two away from drama possibilities. Away from the people where he lives near.  He is really on the down low and it’s impossible to have a relationship in his town. I could careless if anyone sees here.   It reminds me of that song.

Love me or Hate me, its still an obsession.

Love me or Hate me, that is the question.

If you love me then Thank you!

If you Hate me then F*** you!

Lady Sovereign

Today my dad and step mom were arguing about where their grave plots were.  I am thinking to myself.  “Why the hell does it matter?  Your dead... It isn’t like your going to notice it”. 

Sorry, I am still working on “Unscripted”.  I am basically waiting on Asurion to get me my new phone.   

You prepare a table before me
       in the presence of my enemies.
       You anoint my head with oil;
       my cup overflows.

Surely goodness and love will follow me
       all the days of my life,
       and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
       forever.

Psalm 23 5-6

With Love, Peace and Prayers.   

JAM

I lost track... Who's Gay?

Straight dudes... I honestly don’t see the point in this. “gay”.  “really gay” and then of course “U guys are gay”.  I was going to Photoshop the names out; I don’t give a shit.

I don’t seen straight women calling each other Lesbian.  I don’t mean to call the dudes above out.  I randomly seen it today and it was a perfect example.  I just barely know one of them and I just know he was in a class with me; never really talked to him.     

I just don’t understand it, I know the psychology behind it.   A man’s worse shame is to be “feminized”.  When calling them gay your “feminizing” or outcasting them.  

Now, When I see such activity going on between guys.  I associate them with being in the closet.   I have a lot of friends that “pretend(ed)” to be gay and they did exactly that.     I have been told by a friend he did it so his friends wouldn’t suspect he was.   

I really wish people would realize that there are “everyday” people who are gay/LGBT.    

Do I think it is alright for gay people to call people gay or use words like fag.  The answer is... HELL NO I DON’T.   That is even worse.   The LGBT community is the most discriminated and socially damned I don’t see why would they add to the issue they support.   Kind of counterproductive.   

I will admit,  I am still weary about the “T” part.  I am learning to understand.  I think the “B” part is over used in the southeast.   If you don’t know what LGBT means...  Google it.     

I am remembering the “Peace Be Still”.   

I had some issues earlier but I think and hope they are resolved.   

With Love, Peace and Prayers

Justin 

Peace Be Still.... Dreaming...

Sometimes, I think god tries to stop things we try so hard to make work.  I am beginning to find my way.  It’s strange when so little can be so much when your happy.  It seems like the little things are hard to find.  I have taught myself to be tough, but where is the key just for be to relax.   

“Peace Be Still”  Jesus said as he calmed the storm. We face the storm because we are humans.  I was not promised that I would be exempt from the storms of life.   

Instead I resort a security where I cannot be hurt from the storm.   From Wachovia Securities to the arms of a person; I seek assurance.   

I am going to live by that for awhile.   

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I have a very weird way of thinking, most of you know that.  hah!   I believe my dreams are a way of telling me things.   I have learned to hide feelings and emotions; it is impossible in dreams.   I really think my dreams tell me what is on my mind and how I truly feel about things.  I have learned fairly well how to translate my dreams, I can remember my dreams well.  My doctor says very few people have that talent.  

With that being said.  I believe when you dream about something the dream is often an overstatement.   Naturally, you are able to suppress the feeling you in a dream it happens in full force.  My dreams are often about something that happened recently.  

I will rarely post what I dreamt about because its often personal.   

Basically,  I remember all the key parts of a dream.  Like one word words: “Falling”,”Chasing” or “Pain” then find an association between them all.   

Always look beyond the obvious.   Look at what the subject was doing.  

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Parts of last night’s dream:

They all coincide one of them I think means I am expecting a transition that can happen or a fresh start or new beginning.  I do want a fresh start on somethings and wish for a new beginning.  I think this is reflecting on a past mistake. 

The next part or “word” I think means I wish I had more intimacy with someone.  Maybe emotional trust (because dreams are overstated) to someone.  It could be, I want to be closer to someone.   This can also link up that I want to be assured everything is alright from my parents 

I believe I wanted to get out of a situation, a very bad one. I am not sure what that situation is at the moment.  I have a pretty good idea though.  

I feel like I am retracting to something.  

Don’t say “Justin needs to take his medicine”.   I really think I can see my inner-self through my dreams.   Life in general we all all taught by society and nature to suppress certain thoughts.  Only when we sleep; loose control of our minds do we see the true meanings.  

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